Dealing with Grief

How have you dealt with grief after the loss of a loved one?

The loss of someone you love causes a great deal of pain.  The loss of a loved one is not easy to deal with.  Your future looks very different when you lose a loved one.  You may have to cope with an empty house.  You may lose someone you count on to help you make decisions, sort out your feelings, and make plans for the future.  You may be left with financial loss.  You may be left to raise a family on your own or to provide care to an older parent by yourself.  You may be left with extra work such as car maintenance or home repairs, home cleaning, budget management, or many other tasks that your loved one handled.  If your loved one doesn't live with you but you call and talk frequently or get together for dinner or celebrations, you still feel an emptiness that is very discouraging.  

You may feel guilt that somehow you didn't prevent the death of your loved one.  They may have died from an accident that you wish you could have prevented.  They may have had an illness that you wish you had helped them deal with better.  They may have died from a drug addiction or other addiction.  They may have committed suicide and you regret not recognizing what was happening.  We all want to prevent our loved ones from pain and suffering and ultimately from death.

You may recognize that you aren't able to prevent every tragedy, but you can still feel anger about it happening.  You may feel anger for another person causing the accident that took your loved one's life.  You may feel anger at doctors for not helping your loved one heal.  You may be angry with whoever introduced drugs to your loved one.  You may feel anger for your loved one not seeking help.

In her book, "On Death and Dying," Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlines five stages of grief.  They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  It can help to know what you may go through as you deal with your grief.  Recognizing what you are experiencing is a normal part of dealing with grief can be very helpful.  

Another way of dealing with grief that could be very helpful is to write about your feelings in a journal.  Getting your feelings down on paper can help you process the grief you are feeling.  A journal could be designated for writing your thoughts about your grief.  Consider getting a special journal.  Quotes could be placed in the journal to give you prompts on what to write about.  As you deal with your anger you may want to discard the entries you write about the anger or you may want to keep them to let you see how far you have come later on.  Give a grief journal to others also to help them with their grief.  Write your memories of your loved one.  This journal could become an important part of your life story or could be the start of a biography of your loved one.

Grief happens to all of us.  Recording your experience with grief is a part of your story.  Recording how grief affected family members adds to your family story.  The death of loved ones can change the family story totally.  Add emotion to your stories by sharing the grief that has been part of your family members' lives.

  

Quotes on Grief for Comfort and Understanding
by Family Story Keeper