Dealing with Grief

How have you dealt with grief after the loss of a loved one?

The loss of someone you love causes a great deal of pain.  The loss of a loved one is not easy to deal with.  Your future looks very different when you lose a loved one.  You may have to cope with an empty house.  You may lose someone you count on to help you make decisions, sort out your feelings, and make plans for the future.  You may be left with financial loss.  You may be left to raise a family on your own or to provide care to an older parent by yourself.  You may be left with extra work such as car maintenance or home repairs, home cleaning, budget management, or many other tasks that your loved one handled.  If your loved one doesn't live with you but you call and talk frequently or get together for dinner or celebrations, you still feel an emptiness that is very discouraging.  

You may feel guilt that somehow you didn't prevent the death of your loved one.  They may have died from an accident that you wish you could have prevented.  They may have had an illness that you wish you had helped them deal with better.  They may have died from a drug addiction or other addiction.  They may have committed suicide and you regret not recognizing what was happening.  We all want to prevent our loved ones from pain and suffering and ultimately from death.

You may recognize that you aren't able to prevent every tragedy, but you can still feel anger about it happening.  You may feel anger for another person causing the accident that took your loved one's life.  You may feel anger at doctors for not helping your loved one heal.  You may be angry with whoever introduced drugs to your loved one.  You may feel anger for your loved one not seeking help.

In her book, "On Death and Dying," Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlines five stages of grief.  They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  It can help to know what you may go through as you deal with your grief.  Recognizing what you are experiencing is a normal part of dealing with grief can be very helpful.  

Another way of dealing with grief that could be very helpful is to write about your feelings in a journal.  Getting your feelings down on paper can help you process the grief you are feeling.  A journal could be designated for writing your thoughts about your grief.  Consider getting a special journal.  Quotes could be placed in the journal to give you prompts on what to write about.  As you deal with your anger you may want to discard the entries you write about the anger or you may want to keep them to let you see how far you have come later on.  Give a grief journal to others also to help them with their grief.  Write your memories of your loved one.  This journal could become an important part of your life story or could be the start of a biography of your loved one.

Grief happens to all of us.  Recording your experience with grief is a part of your story.  Recording how grief affected family members adds to your family story.  The death of loved ones can change the family story totally.  Add emotion to your stories by sharing the grief that has been part of your family members' lives.

  

Quotes on Grief for Comfort and Understanding
by Family Story Keeper

What are Significant Events from a Loved One's Life?

What do you know about your ancestors?  Do you know where they lived?  Do you know what kind of work they did?  What important events happened in their life?  Do you know what was happening in the area they lived in?  Did they take part in any significant events in history?

You can research where your ancestors lived and look up information on the history of that area. You can look at events that were happening in their lifetime. You will have some idea of the things that probably affected them. A war that their country was involved in surely affected them.  They may have fought in the war.  Some of their family members may have served in the war. They may have lost family members or friends in the war.  They may have been injured in the war.  They may suffer from PTSD because of experiences they had during the war. 

Weather events may have affected them.  Economic problems may have caused financial problems for them.  Political events could have involved them. You may learn a lot about your family even though they may not have written or recorded things that you have access to just by studying the history of the area they lived in.

My father was drafted for World War II.  He went for his physical.  He said after having blood drawn his arm was paralyzed.  He was rejected for serving in the war.  Fortunately, he did regain the use of his arm later on.  He had several friends and family members serve in the war.  His best friend and his nephew died in the war.  I have a photo of my parents after he received his draft notice. My dad is not smiling though nearly every other photo I have of my dad has him smiling.  That part of his life was not a very happy time.  My dad did consider not serving in the war as a blessing though it must have been hard when he was first rejected and thought he would have to live his life handicapped. 

 

Creating a timeline of the life of a family member can be a great way to start their story.  Include the events from history on the timeline.  Those events may give you insights into why your family member did certain things.  There are several websites that provide historical information about what happened on a certain day that you can search for.  

When a loved one passes away one way to honor their life is by creating a timeline using photos from their life.  Arrange photos from their life in chronological order.  Add events that happened during their lifetime if desired.  Write stories about significant events that happened during their life.  Add fun and interesting stories from their personal or family life.  Display at a funeral or memorial service or create a flipbook with timelines of periods from their life. 

Memorial Timeline Wall Art
by Family Story Keeper